Monday, May 7, 2018
Useful advices for stressed mothers, stressed parents who have autistic, ADHD child
Retrieved from: Awaken you wonderful we
Here are some useful advice about the techniques; which I usually give to the readers to answer their questions about how to help children with problems.
Firstly, you should seek advice from the specialists before any intervention. They will guide you in the right way. Listen and ask questions to get understanding the basic elements of the instructions from the specialist before applying.
Secondly, you should embrace the child and dance, dance in the melodies of fine music with child, kidding with the child to create the laughter. People only laugh when they feel safe, which is the same to the child. Laughing is the most important indicator of happiness. Persistence, compassion, unconditional love, creating peace for the child, making friend with the child are the keys when playing with a child. Remember what you do in your childhood you will have the compassion with your child.
Still thinking about the logic of adults will not help you when playing with your child. The infant from two months old can understand some sound of the environment, they can understand that parents are talking to them or not. Try to talk as much as possible to your children at this month. Try to create meaningless sound, noise, and spell the vowel words to catch the attention of your infant. Try to make the child want to express, eager to express by “uh”, “ah”, raise or move the mouth and smile. Play, talk with your children to recognize as soon as possible the early problems in your infant. If there is any strange signal, unnatural responses or behavioral problems, no need for the intervention of experts, just quiet your mind: by meditating, helping, giving, and letting go, them embrace your child. Embrace the pain, fear, and irritation of your child with love, kindness, and peaceful mind until your child feels peaceful, at ease and smile in your hands. This job only is done well by parents, the love and consideration of parents; husband and wife have to increase as much unconditional love, unconditional support, caring, touching, smiling, kissing as possible to create a warm, happy, supportive environment to save the infant child, mother, and family.
Thirdly, increasing the amount of time for your child listen to classical music, meditation music is very good for brains, help to calm down the arousing mind. Watching meaningful movies with interesting dialogue and watching humor scripts with good meaning will stimulate the mind of your child with a warm feeling, and the urge to talk. Abandon the wailing films, violent films, and crucial films; these film can infect the mind of your child with negative images, negative feeling, even some child also feel sorrow and imitate bad habit of characters. Care about feeding your mind and your child’s mind.
Fourthly, give your child more chances to have more fun, excitement daily. Increase the time nature, other children, animals, and crowd. There are some costs of dirty, scratches, tire, sneezing, runny nose or event mind pain. In fact, no pain no gain. Focus on the huge gain in the future you will gladly welcome this short-term cost. This is the part of the thinking of self-made millionaires; they want their child to experience pain from labor to gain in the future. Some even anger with the safety of their lazy child, because they understand the real facts to create a successful life. They aim an at a long-term gain, by principles and visions in the future. If blindly seeing, we see them as selfish parents, but with results in future, we will realize that they are the smartest parents. They are the master of the art of using pain, gain, love, crucial action, detachment with the ego. When pushing your child to the crowd, if he has signs of insecurity. We should hug, temple his emotion, make him feel safe enough to take the risk of joining. Do not blindly shout at your child and criticize him, which make him feel more unsafe.
Fifthly, train yourself to have peace, happiness, love, especially unconditional love before spend most of your time with your child is the best thing you can do for your child. Your state of mind will translate to your child’s mind in many mysterious ways.
Sixthly, the child will learn very fast if you make him have a feeling of love, safety, happiness with the skills, or knowledge you want for the child. How many languages the child can speak if his father is American, his mother is Japanese and they are living in Vietnam. If getting enough support, your child can gain the admiring achievement. If you have the skill of influence people, you will create more joy for your child with hard work and study. Results depending on the feelings the child has when studying and working. Some children feel of joy, happiness with the studying; and feelings of pain, lose, hurt with gaming, wasting they will study all day without forcing from parents or teachers, and gain a large amount of knowledge from the studying with less labor. On the other hand, some children feel of pain, hurt with the studying; and feelings of joy, delight with gaming, wasting they only can bear one or two hours of studying with the extreme forcing from parents and teachers, they only gain little knowledge from the studying with a huge effort. This is the meaning of relativity; people feel an hour of joy is short as a minute, and an hour of pain as long as a day. We can sense the relativity from your chatting with nice, smart and person and your other chatting with a bossy, stingy, and angry person. It is not only because of you in the feelings you have, but it is also the person with talk to. The person you talk to, beauty or handsome does not relate much to your feeling; all lye in the art of understanding your needs, the art of satisfying your need to create the senses of happiness and joy during the conversation; and the art of controlling temptation to speak, do the things that make you anger or stress. Please pay attention to the art of living when dealing with the child, especially the child you think is naughty. Creating the feeling of love, safety and joy for the staff are the main jobs of leaders and managers in the organization.
Seventh is to replace old habits, which associated with comfort for the child, need to thoroughly understand the real causes, then gradually direct the child to other useful habits by the funny process of touching rewards and touching punishment. If there is a child likes to tearing paper, throwing things, cutting the fabric or beating friends; the main reason is that the child misunderstands the action, he associates the action with joy, comfort and does not notice to the pain and the cost he makes. It is a good way that parents can get understand the child, patiently observe the child to get real facts from the action then rendering the art of influencing to help the child.
Eighth is to increase the amount and quality of time for your children by talking, crawling, jumping, making noise, hugging and kissing your children with fun and joy. Make your children feel safe and joyful enough that the children start to smile, speak “gu gu ga ga”, or senseless words, it is fine because the child only talk when feeling safe and happy. You can mimic your child’s words and actions with the smile to encourage them because these are the actions person in happiness. Sometimes embracing your child and dance with music can help a lot for both of you. Eliminate all things, which may deplete the quantity and quality of time you spend on your children. Remembering the needs, experiences from your childhood will create empathy for your children and make your actions more naturally. if you think that these silly actions can harm your reputation as a successful person, remove the doubt by reading the stories about Albert Einstein, Richard Branson, and many others happy people.
Ninthly, a parent can borrow punishment with nasty children. It is fine, but they should pay attention to avoid violent, crucial fines, they should punish in mindfully to have a better understanding and find out other effective solutions. Do not punish because of anger. Considering punishment is the opportunity to increase your emotional account in your children mind. Do not blindly punish your children to satisfy your anger, your ego. Blind punishment, violating the principles can deplete all your emotional bank account in your children. Always smile to break the tension if needed. The misery in life causes desire, anger, and ignorance. The ignorant child will have a lot of desires; if the desires are not satisfied, the child will be angry or stressful. Most of the rebellion of the child is the fruits of anger; To some extent, the rebellion can help the child calm the stress. If pay attention, parents can understand the unsatisfied need. The punishment the rebellious child with is hard for parents and can stop the unwanted action temporarily. Most the of skillful parents use the unconditional love, patience and compassion remove the root of rebellion; they are skillful in teaching their child to remove the ignorance.
Tenthly, have notebooks to write these four things. Divide the notebooks into for parts, There will be invaluable advice and knowledge and inspiration when have time reviewing these notes. Do not lazy in writing. Do not trust your memory. Use narrative writing, make the writing clearly with 5WH: who, what, when, why and how.
A. The good things you do each day. You do to help others, the disable or anyone needed help. Each day does at least three good work, cherish hopes of good for your child to help him have the strength to overcome the problem. The parents of an autistic child can use the good work they do each day to talk to their child. The stories may stimulate the child mind, urge the child want to talk.
B. Write down as much as possible the things you are grateful every day. Start to look on the bright side of the problem to write down. People feel wealthy and healthy with a grateful mind. These things may use to talk to your children.
C. Write down your events, thoughts, emotions and your actions; which are interesting and need to remember. Especially the thoughts, emotions you have playing with your child. If busy, at least, jot down the facts, the thoughts, and feelings.
D. Write down in detail as possible about your children's development, personality and temperament. The actions, the emotions, and reaction appear before, during and after acting, and if interrupted from outside. These are the invaluable knowledge about your children that create understanding. Understanding is very useful for intervention.
Completing these notes will create huge joy and happiness for you directly, your children and relatives indirectly.
Citation: Van D Dao. Awaken You Wonderful We. Amazon.com 2017
Simple meditation and the teaching of Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddha teaching to practice for busy people to calm the mind and cure the disorders
The real cause of human problems: Autism, Depression, and Stress
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